“People get so in the habit of worry that if you save them from drowning and put them on a bank to dry in the sun with hot chocolate and muffins they wonder whether they are catching cold.” - John Jay Chapman

speaking of hot chocolate and muffins, i've been rummaging about my stash of stowed away books of good ol' recipes to put together a lovely christmas dinner come year end. any yummy suggestions? no fish, though. i am useless when it comes to things with fins and tails; they usually end up floating upturned in their little goldfish bowls, or down the garbage disposal because they flop out of the skillet tasting so bloody godawful.

i have never doubted my IQ and high precision in following printed cooking instructions blu-tacked to the wall, one eye devoted at all times. with fish, well, i don't know what goes wrong. maybe it's the freaky fishie flips they do to struggle with their impending death, or maybe it's the freaky eyeball staring accusingly up at me when they are lying on their sides, gills and all. eek.

anyway, before i digress further and lose myself in this one-way conversation about trouts mishandled, i really should go get some breakfast in me. how do you like this ?

just kidding. i'm really having this .

“Absence diminishes little passions and increases great ones, as wind extinguishes candles and fans a fire.” - François de la Rochefoucauld

no man minds company, even if it is only that of a tiny burning candle. as every day slithers by unnoticed, christmas is leaning closer. i've lit my second purple advent candle of peace, and watched nostalgically as the flames went out in a snuff of thin smoke. for a moment there as the darkness fell upon me, i felt a little lonely. but that's ok, next sunday i'll light my third, the candle of love. and this time, it's rose pink, like the ribbon in my hair  :)

"Paint me an eternal tea-pot, for I usually drink tea from eight o'clock at night to four o'clock in the morning." - Thomas De Quincey

two very tall men are in my toilet from dawn to dusk, playing heavy metal music and doing arts and crafts. i get no sleep and bad allergic reactions to the waterproof scree and grout they use to paint my walls and mosaic my tiles. i have my showers at work and take the train home with wet hair dripping everywhere. a tiny boy asked me if it was raining outside and i made a disgruntled noise suggesting disagreement but he grasped his mother's hand tightly and shied away. i have a test tomorrow morning at 0800hrs and it lasts 2 days. the talented pair of a rock band will be knocking on my door at 0700hrs.

*insert disgruntled noise here*

"Neither a lofty degree of intelligence nor imagination nor both together go to the making of genius. Love, love, love, that is the soul of genius." - Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart

i spent the whole of last week packing, amid the occasional rain and frequent pots of tea. i magically transformed my queen into a sofa-bed, creating more space for a proper table and chair to work on. i just folded the bed in half and placed it against the wall. now, that's genius. hee.

still, i can't believe i had so much crap. i took out the trash last night, all SIX huge black garbage bags of them. oh but that's not what's amazing. i left them by the door for like, 10 minutes, thinking i'll bring them down after i finish up in the apartment. when i came back out, they were gone!

*poof*

just like that. unbelievable. in under 10 minutes! now i begin to worry whoever brought them home scavenged through my old stuff and is going to find my discarded stash of secret journals...

“Some days even my lucky rocketship underpants won't help.” - Calvin & Hobbes

:(

“All our lives we search for someone who makes us complete. We choose partners and change partners. We dance the song of heartbreak and hope all the while, wondering if somewhere, somehow, there is someone searching for us.” - Anonymous

"Night, the beloved. Night, when words fade and things come alive. When the destructive analysis of day is done, and all that is truly important becomes whole and sound again. When man reassembles his fragmentary self, and grows with the calm of a tree.” - Antoine de Saint-Exupery

dusk is just an illusion, because the sun is either above the horizon or below it. and that means that day and night are linked in a way that few things are; there cannot be one without the other, yet they cannot exist at the same time. how would it feel, i remember wondering, to be always together, yet forever apart?

"Buttercups and daisies, / Oh, the pretty flowers; / Coming ere the Springtime, / To tell of sunny hours.” - Mary Howitt

"When it is dark enough, you can see the stars." - Charles Austin Beard

ever felt that liberating sense of exhilaration, pounding on freedom's trail? it's quiet all around, and you hear only the sound of your heart beating, trying to catch up with each breath you take, blood rushing in the veins of your neck like the shrill bruit of a falsetto resonating in the echoes of the hall.

after a long run down river quay, i sat on the paving stone steps leading down to the canal for a rest. it looked so different in the day, busy place filled with sun and brisk people, boats floating along the stream giving tourists a glimpse of Singapore's central district area and the smells of delicious restaurant shophouses swimming past would, more often than not, render a hungry growl from their mostly round bellies.

in the night, well, it just looks like the whole world is asleep. so i plopped my entire self on the ground and laid there for a while, trying my best to count the stars but it wasn't dark enough, or maybe it was just my lack of glasses that made me squint so hard at the night sky. there and then, i decided i missed you. i fucking miss you.

when it is dark enough, you can see stars. will you sit in the dark with me, and maybe we'll stargaze for awhile, before you lean in for the longest, most gentle, heart racing kiss ever.

“The world is mud-luscious and puddle-wonderful.” - E. E. Cummings

mud fight!!! :D

“Can you imagine a world without men? No crime and lots of happy fat women.” - Nicole Hollander

“I find the great thing in this world is, not so much where we stand, as in what direction we are moving.” - Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

have you met Lindsey Ray? it's amazing how her songs haven't been splashed all across the oceans yet. it's fabulous! i'd share it with you directly, but her music turned up little results on google, so just visit her site and ♥  track 4: You Make Me Happy, and track 6: Float Away.

it's a dream, i tell you :)

“Every heart sings a song, incomplete, until another heart whispers back. Those who wish to sing always find a song. At the touch of a lover, everyone becomes a poet.” - Plato

who knew plato who called love a serious mental disease could be so darn romantic?

"The great big city is just a wondrous toy made for a girl and boy." - Lorenz Hart

oh no... this is one of those days, those days where i would love nothing better than to pack my polaroid camera and drive down some scenic route on an impromptu road trip :)

who's coming with me?

"There is an art of reading, as well as an art of thinking, and an art of writing." - Clarence Day

and an art of idling.

so, no more ranting. i'm home, and happy, and comfortable. i am going to plant my idle butt on the bed all day, and occasionally reach for the tall glass of chocolate milk on the bedside table when my throat is dry. i am a happy loafer, a contented sloth.

*yawn*

“In all our quest of greatness, like wanton boys, whose pastime is their care, we follow after bubbles, blown in the air.” - John Webster

Note: the content of this post has been censored for the well-being of readers. 

“Life moves pretty fast. If you don't stop and look around once in awhile, you could miss it.” - Anonymous

someone once told me that a sign of intelligent people is their ability to control their emotions by the application of reason. well, i told that to someone else, and someone else tells me that it isn't intelligence, it's a form of fear - buttering everything up with logic and explanations for feelings so profound words do naught but shame. it got me to thinking for a while. i don't know if i'm a tiny coward, or just part of the intelligent species amongst us; right now i don't really care.

it's cold tonight, for a tropical island like singapore. the rain monster is dragging his green tail across the clouds, contemplating when the next sprinkle of drizzlies is going to come. huddling beneath my pile-on of blankies and fluffed up pillows, i don't feel very much warmer, only strangely drained and frowny. if i were a dwarf i'd be Grumpy. sometimes Sleepy, occasionally Doc, but that's only because i wear glasses now and then appearing to be more intellectual than i actually am.

i'm just putting off going to bed now, really. it's late and i have a full day ahead at work tomorrow, so i should really go.

goodnight, blue saturday. hello, rainy sunday.

“One of the most tragic things I know about human nature is that all of us tend to put off living. We are all dreaming of some magical rose garden over the horizon - instead of enjoying the roses blooming outside our windows today.” - Dale Carnegie

i had a dream
that i dove into the deep dark ocean,
not without hesitation,
but there was a hand
warm, encouraging, serene
it pulled me closer to the cliff's edge
and i leapt

afraid,
courageous

panicked,
tranquil

but mostly euphoric!

i had my arms around your neck
like a child on a dolphin
i couldn't tell, if
i was having fun
or hanging on for dear life
but i woke up
not without a thrill in my veins
and a most lingering wonder
whose hand did i take
so readily, like i wasn't me?

"My mother always told me I wouldn't amount to anything because I procrastinate. I said, Just wait." - Judy Tenuta

it's one of those perfect sunny afternoons where curtains flutter in the gentle breeze and a fresh pot of orchid tea sits on the stove top, just waiting for someone to pick it up and take an appreciative sip of its floral soporifics.

i picked up the green dishwashing liquid in a bottle and squeezed, grinning impishly as tiny soap bubbles smelling like fresh apples float magically in the sun filled room. i undressed, and played with those pretty bubbles some more, before slipping into the shower to lather up deliciously white frothy foam on my pale skin.

rinse off, dry down, wriggle into some un-nakedness,
and now i'm just putting off going to work. i'm STALLING!!! :(

"Hurried and worried until we're buried, and there's no curtain call, Life's a very funny proposition after all." - George M. Cohan

i took the long route home tonight from a late night movie in town, felt like i needed a long walk. the air was humid with the recent rain, roads were quiet and the street lamps were dimmer than usual. i passed by the night market that has been around for a month or so, and they packed up tonight for the last time. no more wandering around with candy floss and petting the porcelain german shepherd sitting by the walkway with its tongue hanging out, i guess.

life is strange, infuriating and yet amazing, all at the same time. some people wish for the slow lazy days in the country side, some yearn for the hustle bustle of the city. some people give back to society, helping the poor and the needy, some are the takers, and takers only. one life blooms, another ends. aren't we all just part of a struggling species in this vast universe, struggling to survive, to live, and to love. how much loving have you done today?

sometimes it feels like you could use that one person who brightens your day without fail, and somedays you just need the familiar scent of a loved one. today, i need nothing. i think, i have everything i need. almost.

"What is my loftiest ambition? I've always wanted to throw an egg at an electric fan." - Oliver Herford

that's the sound it makes when you actually thrash it with an egg. it ain't pretty. i didn't really try that, i just, well, imagined it to be. i've been having trouble with my imagination lately. my occipital cortex has declared itself dysfunctional, and sleep deprivation hasn't helped very much. to exacerbate things, i woke up from a pretty fucked up dream about dead babies in milk bottles last night. it's haunting, how some things just never let up. you think it's gone for good but really, you've only just swept it under the carpet, kept it away in a locked chest, stowed beneath the floorboards. what are we to do?

"You live in a deranged age, more deranged that usual, because in spite of great scientific and technological advances, man has not the faintest idea of who he is or what he is doing." - Walker Perc

it's blank. my mind, is blank. i wish it'd rain again tonight, although i really doubt the rain monster is up for anymore action after the past week of stormy weather. rain is my comfort thing. like a warm blue blankie to Linus, like cookies and cream to pre-menstrual syndrome, like cheese to a mouse, like... well you get the idea.

i left a daisy on my dresser and forgot about it. now it's a crumpled mess of yellowed dried petals and it feels like a twig. it used to look like this:



and now... this:


but no matter, cos' i received a new daisy last night! it's watered, alive, and kicking :) not really, the kicking part.


i'm distracted. i feel distracted. i was talking about.. rain! and daisies. i love rain and daisies.

“When in doubt or anger, run in circles, scream and shout.” - Dr. Laurence J. Peter

prescribed by a doctor, should be good?

"A person needs a little madness, or else they never dare cut the rope and be free." - Nikos Kazantzakis (Greek writer, 1885-1957)

liberation. the word speaks so loud tonight i can't hear myself thinking clear enough to write pretty pretty poems and draw on the art of serendipity that i, much too often, proud myself on. i am ready, fully armed with a brew of passionfruit tea, a suitcaseful of determination and a NEW digital camera to mark one of the best yet journeys to unclutter my life and move on.

that's it. i don't need reasons, explanations, or even logic. all i need is to remove myself from this roadblock, and i'm all set to go. there will be many smiles to be shared, many happier memories to be made, and most importantly, aplenty random moments of pure insanity to savor.

cut that rope, baby! i love being crazy little me.

"The most important things to do in the world are to get something to eat, something to drink and somebody to love you." - Brenda Ueland

at thirty-five,
would i be an artist
painting for the money
a smoke in one hand
and a red beret in my hair?

at thirty-five,
would i be a teacher
yelling music vivace vivace!
at petrified looking tiny humans
behind those black and white keys

at thirty-five,
would i be a wife
to a man, or maybe a woman ;)
always! gentle and affectionate
till death do us not part

at thirty-five,
would i be a mother
again, but this time better
i'll braid her hair with pretty blue ribbons
and we picnic by the ocean bay
all of our Saturdays

at thirty-five,
would i be a lemon
all squeezed dry and always sour
would i be a peach
all pink and soft and sweet

at thirty-five,
would i have a house by the sea
where it's always summer
a family to love, and to talk
of destiny, expectations and other things

i think i'll be a peach, at thirty-five :)

"Men are like pumpkins. It seems like all the good ones are either taken or they've had everything scraped out of their heads with a spoon.” - Anonymous

halloween is coming.

i've been playing with the thought of carving my own pumpkin monster, but knowing full well how much of a klutz i am, i think i'll save my fingers the risks of highly possible accidental mutilation. perhaps i'll dress up as a grumpy gnome and just make pumpkin soup instead.

"Teaching music is not my main purpose. I want to make good citizens. If children hear fine music from the day of their birth and learn to play it, they develop sensitivity, discipline and endurance. They get a beautiful heart." - Shinichi Suzuki

“Can anyone remember love? It's like trying to summon up the smell of roses in a cellar. You might see a rose, but never the perfume.” - Arthur Miller

"A man is given the choice between loving women and understanding them." - Ninon de Lenclos

on an ankle too loose from an old sprain, i tottered out of bed this morning to the refrigerator for some cold coffee. i opened the cooler door, and with a mixture of amusement and bewilderment, i sat down and stared at a pair of movie ticket stubs lying on the bottom shelf. 

how did it get there? i should come up with a list of weird things i find in my refrigerator. last month it was a red doorstopper. i thought my dog ate it, but in a similar 'just got out of bed' situation as this morn', i found it comfortably snuggled in between the cabbages and eggs a few days later.

sane possibility 1.
i accidentally threw it in with the occasional groceries i get from the store.

borderline possibility 2. 
i have a sleep walking disorder and subconsciously snuck random objects around the house into the fridge.

psycho possibility 3.
my refrigerator is really a monster that comes to life at night when i am zonked and comatose.

"Man is born broken. He lives by mending. The grace of God is glue." - Eugene O'Neill

and some people, never mend.

"The 'what should be' never did exist, but people keep trying to live up to it. There is no 'what should be', there is only what is." - Lenny Bruce

On me dit que nos vies ne valent pas grand chose,
elles passent en un instant comme fanent les roses.
On me dit que le temps qui glisse est un salaud que de nos chagrins
il s’en fait des manteaux pourtant quelqu’un m’a dit…

(Someone told me that our lives aren’t worth a thing,
They pass by in an instant like roses wilting.
Someone told me that times slides by like a bastard,
That he makes his blankets from our grief.
At least someone told me…)

“If you keep at it, one day something which at first appeared impossible will become merely something very difficult indeed.” - Danny Paradise

remember that time i took up yoga and couldn't keep still in class he said breathe breathe meditate fall with awareness with acceptance but i had attention deficit hyperactivity disorder and ended up storming out angry at the tantric world well i went back three days later and struck a full lotus position with grace for two hours then he notified me of what a misunderstood prodigy i was.

“Don't sail out farther than you can row back.” - Danish Proverb

remember that time we took a vacation to philadelphia for the summer just to feel the wind in our hair and smell the sea on our skins but you forgot the sunblock lotion and got burnt red as a monkey's ass but i had mine and didn't share it with you because we always had struggles with control and power.

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I know where you sleep.

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• prescribe me some food
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